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| questions and thoughts that ran through my head:
"should i blog on myspace? facebook? go ol school and do xanga? all three? good Lord, why blog at all?
well, i should do it so i can read it when i'm old and remember how silly i was. or exciting."
getting a good laugh right now over that image. hope i still have a life when i'm in my 90s, if ever.
today i finally brewed some of the kona coffee mike and i bought from hawaii.
not a good idea because i don't hardly ever, EVER drink any caffeine.
i had it at 10 this morning. (stupid craving.) and now i can't sleep. i feel antsy. anxious. shaky, very shaky. can't sleep.
and worst of all... i feel soooo sick. i wish i would just throw up and get it over with.
the upside? our kitchen and bathroom floor is clean now because of all the energy i had to scrub it.
i can't believe school is starting up in a few weeks. i wish i wasn't dreading it so much.
maybe i wouldn't mind it if books were only 50 cents, or better yet, free.
i spent a good chunk of this summer in Oahu, fulfilling an internship requirement for school.
i worked at a day camp for the salvation army. LOVED it.
though the up at 5am and done at 7pm wore me out.
made me love the Lord more.
i learned (again) that it is ok to be weak
it sure was hard to not see my husband for so long.
but now i miss hawaii.
mike and i are talking about getting a dog. we want a husky.
learned that they are wild. love them even more for it.
we'd have to move though.
then i thought, well, what if we have a baby first?
and as exciting as it sounded to me, it scared me too.
is one ever really ready to thrust out a baby from between her legs? my cousin said it's like a watermelon on fire...
i'll be one of those women who avoid labor, and try to hide the fact that her water broke. if ever there were such a woman. ...maybe i'll be the first.
i don't know. sure wish the stork and baby thing was true.
the Lord is awesome. i love that He is God and that my knowledge is nothing compared to His.
i think it's funny that He's God, and i still treat Him like He's human, as though He is confined to my ideas.
when i think things don't make sense about life and Him, i'm at peace with the thought: duh, He's God. Not human. His existence is not like mine. He's eternal. The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. unchanging.
me? i could die any second. my mind can't wrap around the bigger picture.
and i'm ok with that. because what i do know already blows me away.
it's so cool to know that i can be in love with such a mysterious God. who reaches out to me! yikers.
i am humbled.
have i mentioned that i love my husband? it's been a little over a year now.
and i still can't believe i'm married to such an amazing man. it's an honor to be his wife.
yesterday we rode our bikes around town and had dinner at round table. where i carelessly scarfed down pizza like a starving animal, and he watched me and said in the most loving and honest voice that i was beautiful. then we came home to watch wipeout.
i scratched his back because he said he'd get me strawberries and water if i did. then he cut it up for me, too. even though i said i can do it myself.
and then tonight i saw sisterhood of the traveling pants 2, and it made me miss some friends. to the point of crying. and he just held me and let me cry. and then he made plans for me to see them. isn't he nice? then he fell asleep, and i crept out and here i am. watching the olympics and writing this.
and that's the update in a mess.
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| summer is here! summer is here!
only two weeks left of school! yippe!!!
michael and i played wheel of fortune
it made me cry
i was the most UNfortunate person EVER
i kept losing turns, and then i'd get some cash and then
yup, bankrupt
thank goodness it isn't the story of my (real) life
but it was so frustrating, and unjust
there is a field outside our apartment
there are dancing purple wildflowers all over
and there are roses growing outside our door
you can smell its goodness 5 feet away
(even in my business i took the time to measure)
mike's been doing most of the cooking and cleaning
since i've been so busy with research papers
he's such a nice nice boy (i love him!)
i'm waiting for my ipod to finish charging so that i can go on a jog
part of me thinks that's my excuse to procrastinate going
because all i feel like doing is sleeping
or watching a good ol' audrey hepburn
...hmmm.
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| today i reflected on life
wondered what happened to the ties i'd made
with such amazing people
why does time do this?
but is it time? or me?
whatever it is, it makes me sad
because i really miss everyone
i don't want to see a familiar face and just exchange a smile
i want to run to the person and hug, and cry
and bathe in the memories we made together
because they were special
and i want more
is that selfish?
i don't really care
because seeing the beauty in a person
is to wonderful to pass up
all in all
i miss you all
whether it be the five minutes our paths crossed, or months of enduring me
i honestly think you are all lovely people who have blessed me in the utmost.
and be warned, if i ever see you, i will HUG you!
(yeah, and probably cry)
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| there are so many choices to make in one day most of them are the: duh, you better go use the bathroom right now but there are others that are more soul searching and heart prying those are the ones that filled my day today then i got to thinking about the choices i have made in life and wondered if i regret any of them the day's not over and so i'm still wondering makes me sad to believe i may but what's life without some sadness and regret? but like i said the day's not over yet here's a picture at our wedding (finally) 
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| I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore... oh but for the heck of it I will write this. Just so I can look back later and think: thank You Lord that You got me through that! Michael and I have now been married for 3 months. It definitely is trying, but somehow, it's beautiful. I can look at all we've been though and laugh, cry and rejoice--but mostly cry. I really want to be a good wife... I do. We are living in Redding, CA. Mike graduated earlier this Spring, before we were married. Me? Nope, a couple more years left. I should graduate in this coming Spring, but then decided that I'd like to become a teacher. So this little lady will be spending another year and a half getting a credential and Masters in Education. I'd really ABSOLUTELY love to teach overseas, which is the direction I'm headed in. Today is Dana Scott's birthday. Wish I could hug her. I miss her. I miss a lot of people right now. Isn't it funny how time flies now? Though it seemed to draaaag when I was a kid. I'm working in an elementary school part time. There's a 3rd grader named Colby who is adorable. Just the sweetest kid ever. He hugged me today for no reason. It was a blessing. It's so fun listening to kids talk. They do say the darnest things. I'd really like an ice cream right now. It's so hot. 107 degrees. Daydreams of Alaska are not far. I wonder when He will come back. I want to be ready. I want to be with Him. I'm so glad that He is Love and that He loves me. | | |
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